


right on the limit

by dizzy, waveydnp



Series: byebye 20gayteen daily fic advent [15]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Edgeplay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 12:57:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17002095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: prompt:some sort of kink gone wrong/not work, but in the best way because communication is key





	right on the limit

Dan’s about to come. Phil can tell from the way his little grunts and moans have stopped. He can tell from the way his thighs have gone tense.

He doesn’t know what possesses him to loosen his grip on Dan’s cock and stop the motion of his stroking altogether. Maybe he just wants to see what Dan will do. 

Dan’s body buckles slightly and he groans. “Why’d you stop? I was so close.”

Phil smirks and takes hold of Dan again, stroking slow and tight so Dan hisses.

“I dunno. Didn’t want you to finish yet I guess.”

“Keep going,” Dan demands. “My balls are turning blue here, mate.”

Phil is undeterred from his leisurely pace. “Maybe I don’t want to.” 

He grins with his tongue caught between his teeth. He loves that he can tease Dan like this now; Dan’s had a good day, Dan can take it. Dan’s laughed a lot today. He’s nudged at Phil, poked and flirted and pulled imaginary pigtails in the most fun sort of way until they ended up here in bed with lube smeared slick across both their bodies and Dan’s cock thick and pulsing and wanting in Phil’s grasp. 

Phil’s just not ready for it to be over. He speeds up again, but only a bit - only long enough for Dan to thrust up and whine. It’s fun to work Dan up like this. He’s vocal, spitting out sounds and encouragement in the same breath as curses. Maybe that’s why Phil doesn’t want it to be over. 

And he really, really doesn’t. So he stops again, fingers clamped around the base of Dan’s cock. 

“You absolute twatwaffle,” Dan says, whole body writhing into an unforgiving touch. 

“Does it feel bad?” Phil asks, mesmerized by the way Dan twitches. “Should I actually stop?”

Dan bites his lip. He gets that look on his face like when he’s working something out in his head. It’s a Dan thing - thinking before he speaks, wanting to curb his own impulsive nature. 

Sometimes Phil finds it more interesting what Dan says when he doesn’t stop and think first. But this time he’ll let Dan take his time because he wants to know what Dan really thinks. 

“No,” Dan finally says. “Don’t stop.” 

“By don’t stop you mean… don’t stop stopping, yeah?” Phil pumps Dan’s cock hard and fast until Dan moans and then stops abruptly.

“Yeah,” Dan gasps, fisting his hands in the sheets, gripping so hard his knuckles turn white. “Yeah. Don’t stop stopping.” 

Phil watches carefully, eyes on Dan’s face and then slowly skating downward, watching while the flush spreads from Dan’s cheek into his chest, as his feet start to clench with the tension he’s holding in his body. 

When he reads the signals of impending orgasm, he takes his hand away completely this time. He backs up so that he’s not straddling Dan anymore, so there isn’t a single point of contact between them. 

He just… wants to see what Dan will do. 

What Dan does is squeeze his eyes shut tight and groan, but nothing more. His cocks slaps back against his stomach when Phil lets go and that’s where it stays.

It’s kind of impressive actually. Phil can only imagine the frustration, knows if it was him he would’ve taken matters into his own hands by now, but Dan just lies there with his chest heaving. Waiting. 

“Touch me,” he croaks. “Please.”

“Do you need to come?” Phil asks. He’s having fun but he wants Dan to be having fun too.

“Only if you want me to.”

Phil’s stomach flips. He’s never been one for power plays between the sheets but something about the trust Dan’s putting in his hands right now burns a fire in his gut.

“I want you to wait one more time,” Phil says. “Can you do it once more?” 

Dan’s head moves sharply, a jerky nod. He sucks in a breath when Phil’s hand gets near him, watching wide-eyed. 

Instead of taking him completely in hand again, Phil just uses one single finger and draws it down Dan’s length. His cock twitches hard, making Phil laugh a bit. “Aw, it’s so happy to see me.” 

“Fucker,” Dan says, no venom in it. 

Phil drags the finger back up and circles around the shiny, exposed tip. Dan hisses like it hurts him, so Phil waits - but Dan doesn’t tell him to stop. 

So he does it again. 

Dan’s neck arches, his head tipping back against the pillow.

“It’s good, yeah?” Phil asks. He’s honestly finding it hard to tell. Dan kind of looks like he’s in pain - but his cock is so hard and red and the tip is leaking like he’s about to burst.

“Really fucking good,” Dan says through gritted teeth.

Phil grins before leaning down and swiping the tip of his tongue right across that leaking slit. He sucks, one hard burst of suction, and then pulls his mouth away - but at the same time starts to wank Dan again so the torture isn’t too much. 

“I’m going to let you come now,” Phil says. The excitement is burning hot in his own body, because he can just tell how good this is going to be for Dan. 

Dan whines. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.”

“I mean it. I won’t stop this time.” 

He speeds up a little and keeps his eyes glued to Dan’s face. It’s a tough choice as every inch of Dan holds something Phil wants to see right now but he thinks most of all he wants to watch the expression Dan makes. He wants to see the end result of their little game.

Dan’s noises are pitchy and a lot more needy than they usually are. Phil loves it, and it’s not about control.

Actually, he doesn’t really know what it’s about. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Dan’s back suddenly arches and his noises stop dead in throat. His mouth is open and Phil’s eyes are torn from looking there when he sees an arc of white shooting up onto Dan’s chest. 

“Wow,” Phil says softly to himself, mouth falling open. Dan looks almost tortured but like he doesn’t want the agony to ever end. 

“Fuck, fuck-” Dan reaches down and shoves Phil’s hand away from him - only to pull it back. “Keep going, just. Not much. But - something.” 

It doesn’t make much sense, but sometimes Dan doesn’t. Phil’s good at deciphering Dan’s nonsense-orgasm-talk by now. He strokes Dan very lightly and very slowly, milking a last dribble of come from him. The aftershocks seem to keep on even after that, and he doesn’t let go until Dan’s starting to soften in his grip. 

“What was that?” Phil finally asks. 

Dan pants, arm flung over his eyes. “That was me coming my fucking brains out, Phil.” 

Phil lies down on his side and drags his finger up through the mess on Dan’s stomach and chest. It goes almost all the way up to chin. Dan doesn’t even react. He feels a little shaky under Phil’s hand.

“I’ve never seen it shoot like that,” Phil murmurs.

“I’ve never _felt_ it shoot like that,” Dan says weakly. “I’ve never felt anything like that.”

“In a good way?” Phil asks.

Dan just grunts. Phil continues to swirl his finger in little patterns through the pearly smears on Dan’s body. 

Almost like finger painting. He giggles at the thought.

“Don’t laugh at me,” Dan croaks. “I’m dead.”

“I’m not. Not laughing at you. That was just… fun,” Phil says. He leans in and kisses Dan’s cheek. “I want you to tell me if you’re sure it was ok.”

Dan cracks one eye open. “I’m dead, and this is exactly how I wanted to die.” 

“Dan!” Phil pokes Dan in the side. As a testament to his level of deceasedness, Dan doesn’t even flinch. “I’m serious.” 

“So am I,” Dan says. “That was fucking incredible. When did you become a fucking sex god and why wasn’t I informed?” 

“Oh.” Phil can’t keep how pleased he is out of his voice. He’s not actually sure this was really him doing anything, besides being a bit of a troll. 

But if Dan liked it that much… 

“My turn,” Phil says. 

Dan just grunts. “And now you’re into necrophilia, too. Your kink has depths I am not sure I want to explore.” 

‘Daaannn,” Phil whines. He grabs Dan’s hand and tries to sort of… guide it… in the direction of his dick. It just flops there limply on his thigh while Dan tries to stifle his own giggles and maintain the facade. 

“Please?” Phil says, somewhat pathetically. He’s not even joking now. “That was so hot, Dan. I need you.”

“I don’t think you can handle it,” Dan says, but he groans as he forces himself to sit up.

Phil grins triumphantly and rolls onto his back, slipping his hands behind his head. “I can handle it. Gimme your worst.”

“Tell me if you hate it,” Dan says, reaching for the lube and drizzling a little bit into his palm.

Phil scoffs. 

“No, really,” Dan insists. “It’s intense.”

“Your mum is intense.”

Dan answers by straddling Phil’s thighs and settling himself down on top of them. “Shut up.”

“I mean, she is,” Phil says. “Last time we visited I thought she was going to march me down to the yoga centre and make me sign up. She kept saying it could help my posture.” 

“Well, it probably could,” Dan says. “But I’d rather not talk about my mum while I’ve got your dick in my hand.” 

“My dick isn’t-” Phil shuts up abruptly, because suddenly it very much is in Dan’s hand, and it feels nice and slick and warm and everything good and perfect in the world. He sinks his head back into the pillow. Dan’s got the biggest, best hands for this - Phil might be biased since it’s been so long since he had sex with anyone else that he can’t rightly remember what their hands were like, but he’s still confident. Dan’s got the best ones. 

And Dan’s mum is the last thing on his mind as soon Dan starts to tug with those hands Phil loves so much. 

“Do you really want to try it?” Dan asks. His gaze is sharp on Phil. “Do you want me to do you like you did me? To make it last?” 

Nerves flutter in Phil’s stomach. He’s not entirely sure why; it’s not as though there’s anything dangerous about this. But new things make him feel odd sometimes. 

Still, Dan liked it so much, and he came so hard… 

“Yeah,” Phil says. “Do it like that.” 

He closes his eyes as Dan focuses on making him feel good, on twisting just the right way, on building the speed slowly. 

Phil feels so taken care of like this, when it’s just them and their hands. It’s simple, but so so good. Dan’s worked out how to do it just the way Phil likes, and that’s how he’s doing it now. 

Phil doesn’t really moan but his exhales are punctuated by just a tiny bit of noise that hints at his pleasure. Eventually his hips start to follow Dan’s hand upwards slightly with every stroke,  
chasing the warm slippery pull of that broad palm and those long fingers.

“You like that?” Dan murmurs. He’s a talker in bed, something that took Phil some getting used to in the beginning. 

Now he likes it. “Mm,” is his response, his brain starting to go loopy from the honey warmth spreading its way through his muscles as Dan’s fist fucks up and down on his cock with patience and attention.

“Your cock is so hard for me.”

“Yeah,” Phil breathes, twitching a little when Dan pushes the pad of his thumb across the head.

Dan’s used to him doing nothing but half-way agreeing, so he doesn’t seem to take anything from it. Phil’s attention span doesn’t divide well, especially not when sex is involved. 

He’s already halfway there before only a couple minutes pass, a result of how turned on just getting Dan off can make him. They’ve learned some stamina over the years, but he can’t imagine that watching Dan come will ever stop being so damn hot. 

Watching this won’t, either - his dick disappearing into Dan’s fist, while he hears the slick smack of the lube against both of their skin. 

He’s starting to grunt a bit, sounds that live and die somewhere in the depths of his throat. He wouldn’t even realize he was making a noise except for how he can see Dan reacting to it. “Ugh-” Phil says, pushing his hips up again and again. 

And then suddenly he’s pushing into nothing. His eyes, half-shut in his bliss, fly open. “What-” He remembers suddenly what it is he’d agreed to. He feels deflated, shoulders dropping. “Oh.” 

Dan’s just grinning like it’s the most fun ever. “You ok there bud?”

Phil wants to curse. He wants to grab Dan’s hand and close it around his cock and encourage it to continue working its magic, to continue to make him feel all those nice feelings.

But that’s not what this is. Dan hadn’t done that. Dan had been patient. He’d let Phil have his fun before he got to have his nice feelings without interruption.

Maybe it just takes more time for the stopping to feel good and not like a rug being pulled from under his feet. Dan had seemed perturbed the first time too, so Phil sucks it up and says, “Yep, I’m good.”

“D’you want me to touch you again?”

“Yes.”

Dan grins some more and wraps his hand around the base. When he pulls up it’s slow - agonizingly slow, but at least it’s better than nothing. When he pulls back down he takes all the foreskin with him so that the whole head is exposed.

It feels a little raw, a little more vulnerable than it usually feels. He can feel himself starting to tense, and not in a nice way. He thinks of telling Dan it’s too much, but… he doesn’t want to admit he can’t do something that Dan had done with gusto.

“Wank me,” he says. “Please.” He opens his eyes to see Dan’s reaction.

Dan looks pleased. He starts stroking again and Phil proper moans, just from the sheer relief if nothing else.

It’s good - really good, fantastic even, for a couple minutes after that. Phil actually starts to forget how jarring it felt for the touch to go away, starts to think that maybe it does feel better for that. Maybe this is when it gets really good. 

He digs his heels into the duvet cover and pants, reaching up to pinch his own nipple and then rub at it with his fingertips. It just adds a pleasant little zing to an already very good handjob. 

“Oh, oh-” He feels his chest expand with every breath while the world around him shrinks down to just the bright sparks of pleasure lighting him up. It’s good, it’s so good, the feeling swelling inside of him as his balls draw up tight-

Then cruelly - nothing. 

Nothing at all. 

He cries out in genuine displeasure, cock throbbing painfully as Dan laughs. He’s so happy and Phil absolutely does not understand why. He blinks hard against dampness in his eyes, not proper tears but the physical manifestation of the deprived frustration that he feels. 

He sucks in a breath sharply and tries not to sound too put off when he says, “Keep going.”

He doesn’t want to disappoint Dan. He doesn’t want to ruin his fun, but if Dan stops again Phil’s not actually sure he’ll be able to stop himself crying, or just finishing himself off instead.

He should say something, he knows he should, but Dan looks positively gleeful as he mimics what Phil had done earlier and traces a single fingertip gently along the shaft.

It’s not enough, not even close. He whines, a sound he almost never makes.

Dan takes it the wrong way, grinning wider, clearly interpreting it as an encouragement.

“Jerk me, Dan,” Phil says gruffly, and mercifully Dan complies.

And there’s that feeling again, that wonderful heavy tingle, that warm surge of yes-good-fuck as Dan’s lovely big hand starts to take him apart again.

But Phil finds he can’t enjoy it anymore. All he can think of now is Dan taking that feeling away. All Phil can do is anticipate the whiplash of building up to an orgasm that’s going to be snatched away right as he gets desperate for it.

His stomach feels so tense and tight with anticipated dread that he’s not even actually close again when Dan teases his hand away this time. “You like that, babe?” Dan says, voice soft and hot, but Phil can’t give him the answer he wants this time. 

He shakes his head sharply. 

Dan’s expression is caught between the smile he had and the confusion growing in his eyes. “Are you like, serious?” 

Phil pushes a breath out. “Yeah,” he says. “I don’t like it, Dan.” 

Dan’s hand falls to his side. “Oh.” 

The silence stretches on uncomfortably long. “Can you just - if you still want to. Can you wank me?” 

“You still want me to?” Dan asks. His voice sounds timid and guarded. 

Fuck, Phil thinks. Of course Dan’s taking it personally. 

Now he really does feel like he’s going to cry. 

“Never mind,” he says. He starts to sit up. He can go have a sad shower wank. Dan always pulls away in moments like this. 

“No, wait.” Dan stops him moving away with a hand on Phil’s chest. “You shouldn’t - don’t go. Let’s. I dunno. Talk. Communication is like. Important, you know. Not bottling things up.” 

Dan doesn’t seem entirely confident in what he’s saying. Phil immediately has to wonder if this isn’t something the new therapist he’s seeing has told him. 

He and Dan always work things out in the end. But usually it’s a tense few days of silence and not reading each other quite right before they find the same page. 

He’s alright if Dan wants to try and skip that part now. “Okay,” Phil says, sitting up. He feels naked in an exposed way, but so is Dan, so he doesn’t try to find any clothes. 

Dan bites his bottom lip. It makes him look a bit young and a bit sweet and Phil still feels on shaky territory with this whole thing but that expression also makes him painfully fond. The fondness only intensifies when Dan says, “Seriously, do you want me to make you come first?” 

Phil laughs. “I reckon it’d feel weird for both of us.”

“You were supposed to tell me if you didn’t like it. You shouldn’t have let me keep going like a fucking asshole doing something you didn’t want.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Phil’s stomach drops a little. He hasn’t actually stopped to think about how guilty Dan must feel now. “It’s not like— I don’t feel— I’m not cross or anything. I’m not, like, upset. I’m ok. I just… didn’t like it. I guess I needed to let you do it a few times before I realized for sure I didn’t like it. And…”

“And what?”

Phil shrugs. “I just felt selfish I guess. I sprung it on you without warning and you went along with it the whole way through.”

“Yeah, because I liked it. If I didn’t I would’ve told you to fuck off.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil says again, and then, quieter, “I didn’t want to disappoint you. Or hurt your feelings.”

Dan sighs. He sounds just as frustrated now as Phil had felt a few minutes ago. “You gotta stop that. You can’t please everyone else all the time.”

“Not everyone,” Phil argues. “Just you.”

“Especially not me.”

Phil pulls his legs up a little. “You liked it so much. I thought maybe I just needed to give myself time to get into it.”

“I liked it right away,” Dan says flatly. 

“I don’t mean this the way I know you’ll take it, but… why? Like, can you explain it to me? Because to me it just hurt. It felt awful. Like the worst part of a rollercoaster, you know? The part when you drop.”

Dan sits there stark naked, chewing on his fingernails and making a face of deep concentration. “For me it was like… every time you stopped and started again someone turned up the saturation on it. It just felt like - more. It got better and better every time.” 

“Oh.” Phil frowns. “I wish it felt like that for me.” 

There’s another silence that stretches, before Dan says. “So it was just like… bad, from the start?”

“It wasn’t bad from the start,” Phil says. “I mean, the start was just you giving me a handjob, and you know I like those just fine.” 

“But from the very first time I stopped…” Dan trails off. “You hated it.”

“It was, uh.” Phil shrugs a bit, looking down. He plucks at a thread on the duvet cover. “Yeah. I hated it.” 

Dan’s voice goes even softer, duller. “That makes me feel like shit.”

Phil winces. Honesty might be the best policy, but no one ever takes into consideration how hard it is sometimes - both to say and to hear. “You shouldn’t,” Phil says. “It was something new, and I wanted to try it.”

“I should have known.” Dan sounds like he’s getting lost in that place in his own head, where he gets locked in a brutal cycle of blaming himself for things that aren’t true, or aren’t his fault if they are true. 

Phil immediately wants to pull him back away from that. “You couldn’t know, because I didn’t tell you.” 

“Yeah but I know how you are.”

Phil bristles. “What does that mean?”

“Just… Don’t get cross.”

“What,” Phil says again.

“You’re kind of the instant gratification type.”

Phil frowns. “So you’re saying I’m impatient.”

“I mean… yeah. I guess. It’s not an insult.”

“Excuse me for not getting off on things that feel bad,” Phil spits.

He regrets it instantly as he watches Dan’s face fall. 

“Shit, Dan. I didn’t— I’m sorry.”

Dan reaches out for the duvet and pulls it over his lap. He must be feeling exposed now too. “I don’t get off on things that feel bad.”

“I know.”

“I got off because it felt good to me.”

“I know Dan,” Phil says, his voice shot through with desperate regret. “I was just being a defensive dickhead.”

“It felt like… I don’t know how to explain it,” Dan says. “Felt like… I dunno, sex turned up to eleven or something. Like all the trust and stuff was even more like that. Like I trusted you’d take care of me in the end. I don’t know.”

Phil just sits there feeling rotten inside. “I really ballsed everything up.”

“You don’t like giving up control,” Dan points out. “It makes sense you didn’t like it.”

Phil shakes his head. “It’s not like— there’s no deep psychological reasoning behind it. It just felt physically bad to me. Besides, you don’t like giving up control either. You hate it.”

“Do I?” Dan asks, something imploring in his voice. 

Phil is genuinely shaken a bit by it. “I… don’t you?”

Dan shrugs. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t know the difference between what I don’t like and what I’m just scared of so I tell myself I don’t like it. And I tell you I don’t like it.” 

“I don’t want to-” Phil’s voice falters a bit. “I don’t want to control you.”

“Maybe control is a bad word,” Dan says. “Maybe sometimes I just want to let someone else make the decisions. Not big decisions, but like. Small stuff. Sex stuff. And there’s like… no one else I would trust or be with like that except you. It was just really fucking hot to know that you were going to take care of me, and trust you to get me there.” 

“That makes it sound like me not liking it means I don’t trust you, though,” Phil argues. “And it’s not that. I trust you so much, Dan. More than anyone. It just didn’t feel good.” 

He wants to add that it doesn’t matter how much therapy-talk Dan applies to it, that it won’t change. But he doesn’t say that because he knows whatever Dan’s working through with that woman he sees twice a week is actually helping Dan an awful lot, and Phil can’t stand the idea of being a setback… any more than he maybe already is. 

“Fine,” Dan finally says. “But does it bother you if it still feels good to me?”

“Hell no. It was so fun for me to watch you get all worked up like that. And come like that.”

Dan smiles shyly. “Shut up.”

“It’s true,” Phil says. “I don’t like the word control. It’s not the right word, but… maybe I get what you’re saying about trust. I liked having you put that trust in me. But you know it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you, right?”

Dan nods.

“I just want more of what feels good. I’m a simple lad.”

Dan laughs. “You are, aren’t you?”

“Shut up.” Phil pushes his foot under the duvet to kick at Dan’s leg. “So… is this your new kink?”

“Uh, I mean… maybe? I dunno.”

“Do you wanna do it again sometime?” Phil asks.

Dan bites his lip before nodding. “Probably not always, but… yeah. Definitely.”

“Do we need to go out to a sex shop and buy like, whips and handcuffs and stuff?” Phil asks. 

“Look asshole, you’re the one who started it,” Dan says defensively. 

“Does it bother you that I don’t like it?” Phil asks.

“No, Phil. The only thing that bothers me is when you don’t tell me how you’re feeling.” Dan’s fingers are restless, tugging at the same stray thread Phil had earlier. 

He has the thought that they’re going to unravel the whole damn thing if they keep at it too much longer - all of this talking and working things out. Or maybe they’ll unravel something else, something weird and tangled between them. 

Maybe it’s not such a bad thing if they do. 

“If you did want like, whips and handcuffs and stuff,” Phil suddenly says. “Then we could. I don’t - I don’t want you to feel bad for liking things I might not. Or maybe I’ll like something you don’t.” 

“I don’t want… that.” Dan shakes his head, then reaches up to push his fringe back off his face. It’s going curly around the edges. 

It makes his face look round and sweet, and Phil’s heart constricts with fondness. He’s not always good with handling so many emotions all at once like this. “Can you come here?” He asks, holding his arms out. “Please?” 

Dan shakes his head and looks away. He’s biting his lip like he’s holding something back and Phil doesn’t realize until it’s too late that it isn’t words but emotions that Dan’s trying to keep Phil from seeing. His mouth is turned down and his chin is quivering and he won’t look back over, not even when Phil reaches over and touches his arm.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asks gently, deeply regretting his stupid joke about whips and handcuffs. He should’ve known better not to take this piss in a moment like this. He should’ve known Dan was feeling tender. “I’m sorry Dan. It was a stupid thing to say.”

“It’s not that weird,” Dan says shakily, still tugging absentmindedly. “I’m not like… it’s not that weird.”

“It’s not weird,” Phil agrees. “You’re not weird.”

“You let me keep going,” Dan whispers. “You didn’t tell me you didn’t like it.”

Phil crawls over to him, wraps his arms around Dan’s shoulders and his heart sinks when Dan’s instinctual reaction is to flinch.

“Dan. I’m sorry. But it’s fine. I’m fine and I don’t think you’re weird or wrong, ok? It’s ok.” He’s just about to pull his arm away when Dan leans into him suddenly. 

“You have to tell me right away when you don’t like something,” Dan orders. He’s not reaching out yet but he’s letting Phil hold him and Phil will take that. 

“Okay,” he agrees. 

“Or like, even if you think you don’t like it but you want to keep trying, I want to still know.” Dan reaches down and pulls Phil’s hand into his lap. “I just… I can’t fuck this up.” 

It’s an old insecurity, an old fear that still worms its way into Dan’s thoughts far more often than Phil would like. It used to make him snap with impatience; why can’t Dan just trust him? 

But Phil understands things better now. Dan does trust Phil - he just doesn’t trust himself all the time. 

“You won’t,” Phil says. “I’ll tell you.” 

Dan turns his head toward Phil’s. “Tell me I’m not weird again,” he demands. 

“You’re not weird.” Phil bites back the joke that he’d make any other time. “I love you.” 

Dan finally nods at that. His hand grips Phil’s tightly. “I’m not freaking out. You can stop looking at me like that.” 

Phil thinks he might have been freaking out just a bit, but he still nods. 

“I’m not,” Dan insists. “I just… I don’t know. That was kind of intense.”

“Which part?” Phil asks.

“All of it.”

Phil nods.

“I feel weird. It felt good in the moment but now I feel really weird and kind of…” He trails off.

“What?” Phil prompts. 

Dan shrugs. “Sad, I guess. Pervy in a bad way. Empty.”

Phil frowns and squeezes tighter around his shoulders. “You’re pervy in all the right ways. You’re pervy because you like to touch me in the cinema and wake me up with blowjobs. And those are definitely not bad things. They’re things I like that make you you. My Dan is pervy and if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be my Dan. Ok?”

Dan just gives a weak smile. 

“You posted a photo for the whole internet to see you naked with nothing covering your bits but a few stray teddy bears,” Phil reminds him. “You’re kind of mad but that’s something I love about you. You don’t have to start feeling bad about it now.”

Dan smiles a little warmer. “You’re a perv too. You convinced me to get naked on Skype and touch myself even though anyone could have walked in and seen.”

Phil grins. It’s a very nice memory. “This is why we’re meant to be.”

Dan pulls him in then and tilts his head up to find Phil’s mouth with his. Phil kisses back again and again until they find themselves lying down and holding onto each other.

“Are you ok?” Phil murmurs against Dan’s lips because he just can’t help it. He can’t carry on if Dan’s still feeling bad.

Dan nods and runs his hand down Phil’s chest and stomach. Despite everything, all the back and forth and emotional whiplash this night has turned into, Phil’s body still responds to Dan’s touch with embarrassing eagerness.

“Phil?” Dan’s hand pushes down over Phil’s hip to grab his thigh, to squeeze the flesh there and feel the skin.

“Mm?” He’s already lost in how nice and big and warm Dan’s hands are.

“Can I touch you?”

“Yeah,” Phil says, nodding though by the time the motion catches up to his words Dan’s palm is already smoothly skimming up his skin to rest over his thickening cock. “Please.” 

“So polite.” Dan brushes his lips over Phil’s jaw. “Won’t tease this time.” 

Phil feels a shiver run through him. “Okay. Good.” 

“Because you’re a simple lad.” Dan parrots his own words back at him. “Who wants what feels good.”

“You always feel good.” Phil breathes in deep when Dan’s fingers curl around him. True to his word, he doesn’t mess about. A couple of squeezes and little tugs of the foreskin and then as soon as Phil’s mostly hard he starts to stroke for real, firm and steady. 

Phil’s eyes are closed, and he won’t tell Dan but maybe this feels a little better than normal now because he knows for sure it’s not going to stop. He’ll never ask Dan to stop again, but right now everything definitely feels heightened, sharp and bright when Dan does a twisty thing with his wrist. 

Phil moans. Maybe a little more pronounced than he’d usually allow himself. It feels good and he wants Dan to know. 

When he opens his eyes, Dan’s are trained on him intently. Phil doesn’t have to wonder why.

He knows Dan is still scared. Hopefully not too much, but he’s looking at Phil’s face like all the answers to the mysteries of the universe are contained there. It makes Phil’s heart squeeze painfully with love, and regret for the way he’s handled things tonight.

He reaches out to touch Dan’s face, to trace over the outline of jaw. 

“It’s good, yeah?” Dan asks. His voice is husky and tight, his hand working Phil over with skill and concentration.

“Yeah,” Phil breathes. “So good.”

“I only ever wanna make you feel good.”

Phil’s heart squeezes again. He grabs at Dan needily, pulls him in so close Dan is forced to stop stroking. All Phil wants in this moment is to be as close as possible to this boy he loves so much, this wonderfully complex man who feels sad so much of the time in ways Phil doesn’t know how to help.

It kills him sometimes, not being able to take that pain away. It kills him to watch Dan in pain and know there’s only so much he can do. It feels fundamentally wrong. If he can’t make Dan’s life better then what good is he as a partner?

He hopes right now isn’t one of those times, though. And those times are becoming less frequent. The therapy is working. The medicine is working. He’s happy more often than he’s sad now, Phil thinks. 

Right now he’s sad. Phil can tell, and he’s hoping - desperately hoping - this is one of the times he can actually make it better.

He squeezes Dan so tight Dan coughs a little and laughs.

“What?”

“I love you,” Phil says simply. “I love you so bloody much.”

“Will you shut up and let me wank you, please? I thought the stopping was the bit you hated.”

Phil shakes his head and nuzzles into Dan’s neck. “It’s different when I do the stopping.” He kisses and bites at Dan’s skin and slides his hands down to squeeze his ass cheeks. He’s being a little less than gentle but the desire to be close is overwhelming.

“Can I fuck you?” he groans against Dan’s neck, a finger pushing between the cheeks.

“No.”

Phil is pulled up short. “Oh. Sorry, I—”

“I want to make you come. Just me, without help from you. I wanna be in control of it.” 

Phil lets his hands drop away. “Okay.” 

Dan laughs. “You can touch me. Just… can’t fuck me.” 

There’s a flash of that cheeky Dan grin that Phil loves so much. 

Phil’s hands immediately go back to Dan’s ass. “Thought you were meant to be making me come?” 

Dan’s hand is back on him, and it feels like delicious crackling under his skin. “Gonna,” Dan promises. “Gonna make you come so hard. Won’t stop even if you ask me to.” 

“Not gonna ask,” Phil says. He strokes up Dan’s back with his fingertips. He’s so close so fast, a testament to how worked up he’d been earlier, and he knows it won’t take long at all. “Fuck, Dan-” 

“Yeah. Come on.” Dan’s eyes are bright and focused, that laser sharp precision he puts toward anything he’s got it in his mind to master. It’s part of what makes sex with Dan so mind blowing, the way he gets set on one thing and won’t stop no matter what. 

Maybe that’s why he liked letting Phil take control. Because Dan’s always struggled with moderation in tasks; it’s everything or it’s nothing, he’s giving it his whole self or he just can’t be bothered. Dan’s not always so good finding middle ground when it comes to taking care of himself, either, and maybe this is just another way Phil can take some of the weight off of him. 

“I love you,” Phil says, desperate in that emotional way he always gets when he’s about to come. 

“Come for me,” Dan says. He kisses Phil hard and licks into his mouth, jerking so fast it almost feels like a giant vibrator is enveloping Phil’s cock.

Phil kisses back hungrily, even as his balls draw up tight and the air punches from his lungs. Pleasure ripples out from somewhere low in his stomach and he’s biting down on Dan’s lip. The strokes slow down a little but Dan doesn’t stop milking until Phil groans and pushes his hand away gently.

Dan tries to pull back but Phil doesn’t let him. He keeps his mouth on Dan’s as he pulls Dan on top of him. The mess of warm and wet squishes between their bodies and normally Phil would find it a bit gross.

Tonight everything feels a bit flipped and he likes the undeniable physical proof that they make each other feel good, even if it sometimes takes a while to get there.

“Tell me you love me,” Phil says when they finally pull apart. “You still haven’t said it.”

“Of course I love you.” Dan looks pink-cheeked again, like a fainter version of his own orgasmic aftermath, and it’s nice to Phil to know it’s just because Dan is affected by watching Phil. 

“Good,” Phil says. He doesn’t really want to let Dan get that far away, but he doesn’t stop him this time when Dan reaches down to fish some dirty laundry off the floor and do a quick wipe up job. “I’m so tired now. Also hungry.” 

Dan flings the newly annointed come rag at Phil’s head. “You’re such a guy,” Dan says. 

Phil yelps and ducks. “I thought that was a good thing!” 

Dan rolls his eyes, but without really meaning it at all. He settles back down at Phil’s side, tucking his head in against Phil’s shoulder. His voice is quieter, a more serious note to it when he says, “It is.” 

Phil rests his cheek against the top of Dan’s head, holding onto him tightly. “I like learning new things that you like,” he says. “Even if it didn’t all go well tonight. I’m glad I know something new about you now.” 

He knows it’s probably not that easy in Dan’s head. Dan will mull over things for days or weeks again before he comes to a conclusion about it being good or not, but Phil’s ready to plead his case as many times as he needs to. 

“You’re just a horndog,” Dan finally says. 

Phil laughs. “If that means I get to make you come in like, all the ways ever, then okay.” 

Dan doesn’t say anything, he just shakes his head a bit, like he doesn’t have words anymore for how ridiculous Phil is. “I’m glad I know something new about you too, even if I don’t like how I learned it.” 

“We’re both always learning. That’s what life’s about.” It sounds like something Phil’s mum would say, which must mean it’s true. 

Dan tilts his head up and presses a kiss to Phil’s mouth. “When did you get so smart.” 

“Never,” Phil says. “I’m just good at pretending sometimes.” 

“Shut up.” Dan’s voice is growing drowsy and his body is growing even heavier against Phil’s. 

Phil isn’t surprised at all when Dan moves suddenly, turning over onto his side away from Phil. Phil knows it isn’t a rejection because Dan takes Phil’s arm with him, tugging impatiently until Phil is spooned up behind him. “Do you think-” He starts to say. 

Dan interrupts him. “Shut up,” he says. “And cuddle me.” 

Phil smirks, a joke about control living and dying at the twitch of his lips. He won’t push his luck any more tonight. He’ll just do what Dan says and hope they both slip off into pleasant dreams.


End file.
